Rockin' New Year!
by L1701E
Summary: Chapter 10 up! Complete! The XMen and the Misfits celebrate New Year's! Suggestions needed badly! RR Please!
1. New member!

Rockin' New Year!  
  
Hey folks! L1701E here! Here's a New Year's fic for you! I hope you all enjoy it!  
  
To torque: No offense, but I like Ozzy. He's hilarious! I hope you'll like this new story with the West Coast Misfits. BTW, in the comics, Nightcrawler is an expert swordsman. I have a serious craving for chocolate chip cookies. Especially chewy ones. Merry Christmas to you!  
  
To JCKIDSMART: Sorry about the lack of Duncan and Kelly torture. I had few ideas, and it's Christmas. But I do hope to introduce another character you'd love to see tortured.  
  
To Red Witch: Keep on reading and writing! Hope you like this one!  
  
To Kage-robot-of-darkness: Uhm, what do you mean by a total girls and total guys team? Keep on reading!  
  
To Sparky Genocide: I loved "Meet Wally Sparks"! And I couldn't stop laughing at that scene! Maybe I will do something like that down the line.  
  
To Wizard1: Yup, I don't plan to get rid of the Mimic anytime soon! To be honest, I actually think Colossus and Gambit are pretty cool, and Ray's okay. Out of the X-Boys, Scott's the only one I genuinely do not like. He's so uptight! I just realized something! Pyro's real name was St. John Allerdyce, and Thunderbird I's real name was John Proudstar. In the comics, they're both dead. It's kind of odd. It seems mutants named John in the Marvel Universe eventually get killed off. Weird. Oh yeah, and I was asked one time about Warpath. Well, I have no plans for Evo-tizing James Proudstar, but who knows.  
  
Chapter 1: New member!  
  
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(Somewhere in America, on the road)  
  
A black double-decker tour bus rolled down an interstate. Across the side in gold fancy letters was the name "Lila Cheney". Inside, the bus was luxurious, complete with an entertainment system, among other things. Inside, six people were traveling to their next stop.  
  
"Thanks again for letting us ride with you, Lila." Lance said. He and the other three members of the Superstars were riding alongside the mutant rocker.  
  
"My pleasure, guys." A teen girl grinned. She had long black hair, and bore a slight resemblance to Joan Jett. She was clad in blue jeans, black steel- toed boots, a black studded belt, a tight black Pantera t-shirt, biker gloves, her right wrist decorated with a studded wristband, and her left wrist decorated with a red wristband. She also had gold earrings, and a studded choker. She was lounged on the bus's couch. "I'm a fan. I've actually wanted to join the band."  
  
"You are kidding." Craig said. Lila laughed.  
  
"Nope." She looked up at the window. "HEY GUIDO!!" She called at the front of the bus. "SLOW DOWN!!! WE DON'T NEED TO GO SO FAST!!!"  
  
"Okay, Lila." A voice with a Brooklyn accent replied. Paul remembered his first impression of Guido Carosella: A huge man with a body that made his head look too small. Almost bald, except for a small growth of white hair at the front of his head, and glasses with round red lenses. He looked very intimidating, but he was nice, according to Lila.  
  
"Hey Sheila, are you sure he's friendly?" John whispered to Lila, pointing to the front of the bus. Guido was driving. He also was Lila's bodyguard.  
  
"Oh he's harmless. Unless you tick me off. Then you tick him off. You don't want to tick him off." Lila waved non-chalantly.  
  
"Why do you ride a bus if you can teleport?" Paul wondered.  
  
"Well, my teleportation powers are long-ranged. I can go across a galaxy. I have to make a stop if I want to go short distances. Compared to the range of my powers, between two major cities in America is a short distance." Lila replied. She picked up her guitar, a golden Gibson. "Thanks to that power, I became an intergalactic sensation."  
  
"Now you gotta learn to stop being a kleptomaniac!" Guido's voice came from the front.  
  
"You were a thief?" Craig raised an eyebrow. "I did a little stealing myself back in the day."  
  
"Thrills, baby. All about thrills." Lila laughed. "I'm a girl who likes to have a little adventure in her life."  
  
"Trust me. In the Misfits, you'll have plenty of adventures." Lance groaned.  
  
"Why do you think I joined?" Lila grinned.  
  
"I find it hard to believe that the Superstars would get a new member in the middle of a tour." John laughed. "And especially a top artist like you."  
  
"Ah well." Lila shrugged.  
  
"Are we in Chicago yet?" Paul looked out the window.  
  
"Nope. Wanna watch Detroit Rock City?" Lila held up the DVD.  
  
"ALRIGHT!!!" The Superstars responded happily. The foursome and their newest member gathered around the TV. However, the four original members did not notice an electronic chip sitting on a shelf.  
  
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(Virus's Lab, Dreadnok HQ)  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Virus screamed at the top of his lungs. The other Dreadnoks ran in.  
  
"What is it Virus?" Zartan wondered.  
  
"My machine! My beautiful machine!" Virus screamed. "A component is missing! It won't work without it!"  
  
"Which part?" Zandar asked.  
  
"The CPU. The brain of the computer. Without it, my device won't work!" Virus pointed to a big metal cylinder with a blue bubble top, and a control panel.  
  
"What is it?" Torch wondered.  
  
"A weather control device, you dolt." Virus snapped. "I'm going to use this thing to bash the Misfits up reeeeeeeal good! I got a special program for Toad. BUT NOW I CAN'T USE IT BECAUSE THE CPU IS GONE!!!!"  
  
"Virus, you're insane. Didn't you rig up security cameras in here?" Zanya remembered. She knew Virus was very paranoid when it came to his lab, so he put up security cameras.  
  
"Oh yeah!" Virus grinned. He ran to a screen. "I'll rewind and find out." Virus rewound to last night. He saw on the screen the answer to his question. "What?" In a flash of light, a black-haired girl appeared. She opened up a panel, took the chip, and disappeared in another flash of light. "WHO WAS THAT?!"  
  
"Is that Lila Cheney?" Zanya wondered.  
  
"I love her music." Monkeywrench grinned. "Good riding music."  
  
"I'd like to make her FEEL!!! SOME!!! PAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!" Leatherneck said evilly, flexing his muscles.  
  
"I can't believe it!" Zarana realized. "Lila Cheney, stealing a microchip?"  
  
"I'm amazed that the bird's a mutant!" Ripper added.  
  
"A teleporter. That'd explain how she got in and out so easily." Virus said to himself. "We got to get that device back."  
  
"She's currently on the Ozzfest tour." Leathersuit remembered. "So are the Superstars."  
  
"Oh that's just great! Knowing our luck." Road Pig grumbled. "Most unfortunate, indeed."  
  
"Donald, you need to take your pills!" Zanya snapped.  
  
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(Joe's Diner, outside of Chicago)  
  
"So this is the place they advertise on the old cartoons." John grinned. He, Paul, Craig, Lance, and Lila were enjoying some food.  
  
"Ahh, the old American diner." Paul smiled, taking a sip of chocolate milk. "A dying breed."  
  
"I love these places." Lila smiled. "The food tastes special."  
  
"Because it's made, not processed." Craig reasoned simply.  
  
"You know, we don't have to take the stage for a couple days. We should pay a visit to a couple friends of ours." Lance grinned evilly.  
  
"Who?" Lila wondered.  
  
"Ever heard of the X-Men?" John grinned.  
  
"Only in tabloids."  
  
"Well, we'll introduce you to them." Craig smirked evilly.  
  
"Can I bring Guido?"  
  
Well, looks like the Superstars have just become a quintet! How will the X- Men react to Lila and Guido? Why did Cheney steal that chip? What'll the Dreadnoks do? Find out in the next chapter! 


	2. Meeting the XMen and Kelly Torture!

Rockin' New Year!  
  
To Red Witch: Of course the adults will get drunk! I'll try to bring in some Kelly torture!  
  
To Jckidsmart: You're welcome! Have fun in China!  
  
To Sparky Genocide: Oh, we'll see.  
  
To Aaron: Yeah, Lila is now a Superstar! As for Lila meeting Ace, we'll see.  
  
To Wizard1: Hmmm...Well, two songs come to my mind when I think of the Starrs. Two Kiss songs. Paul could sing "Love Gun" and Craig could belt out "Unholy".  
  
Chapter 2: Meeting the X-Men and Kelly Torture!  
  
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"TOAD!!!!" Jean yelled. She entered the yard covered in slime. "When I get my hands on you huh?" She noticed a studio tour car driving around the yard. She recognized the Superstars, but didn't recognize the huge almost- bald man and the black-haired girl with them.  
  
"And over here, we have Jean Grey, Snobbicus Maximus. A rare species, Thank God." Lance said into a microphone. Jean glared.  
  
"Who are these two?" Jean pointed at Lila and Guido.  
  
"Oh this is Guido Carosella, and the newest member of the Superstars, Lila Cheney." Lance motioned to the twosome. Lila laughed at Jean.  
  
"Oh I heard you were a slimeball, but that's a bit much!" Lila burst out laughing. Jean glared at the mutant rocker. "I never could stand prom queens. So snobby and self-centered."  
  
"Nice to meet you too, Lila." Jean glared. The Superstars and Guido entered the Mansion, where Lance continued showing them around. Guido listened intently, but Lila laid eyes on something that piqued her interest.  
  
"Hey Paul." She nudged Starchild's shoulder, pointing at Sam. "Who is that sexy beast?"  
  
"Oh that's Sam Guthrie." Paul smiled. "He's from Kentucky. He's called Cannonball because he can fire himself like a human rocket."  
  
"Wow..." Lila stared at Sam. Cannonball was walking by, carrying a toolbox.  
  
"He's really nice." Paul added. "He likes to ride dirt bikes. We got him one for Christmas."  
  
"Is he single?" Lila wondered.  
  
"Yeah." Paul grinned. Lila had an evil smile on her face.  
  
"Ooh, the fun I'll have with that Kentucky cutie." She rubbed her hands together in a mad scientist manner.  
  
{Love at first sight} Paul snickered to himself.  
  
"And over here we have Professor Charles Xavier, reading in his study. Note his incredible baldness, and the fact that I just set his wheelchair on fire." Pyro grinned.  
  
"WAHHHHHH!!!!!!" Xavier could be seen speeding past the door several times, his wheelchair on fire. "SOMEBODY HELP ME!!"  
  
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(Back Roads, Bayville)  
  
Senator Kelly drove down the back roads of Bayville, trying to get his mind off what happened to him on Christmas.  
  
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(Christmas Day)  
  
Senator Kelly was walking in front of a reindeer farm. Suddenly, someone threw a water balloon at him and hit him in the face.  
  
"AIEEE!!!" Kelly groaned. "$#%&@() KIDS!!!!!" He then saw a laminated note on the ground.  
  
"Enjoy the reindeer pheromones. Love, Trinity." Kelly read the note. "Reindeer pheromones?" Kelly turned around and saw a stampede of lovestruck reindeer race toward him. Kelly tried to run away, but the reindeer got him. "OH GOD!!! FIRST TURKEYS, NOW THIS!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
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"Aw man, it seems like every animal in the kingdom's out to assault me!" Kelly moaned. "What'd I do to deserve this? All I wanna do is save the world from some mutants, and instead, I get assaulted by reindeer! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!" Kelly noticed something on the road. "What the-- ?" He noticed the Dreadnoks were riding in on motorcycles towards him, and they showed no signs of stopping. Among the bikes was a Dreadnok-modified black-and-neon green van, driven by Virus. The weather machine was inside it. "Hey it's Senator Kelly!" Torch laughed.  
  
"Let's make him FEEL!!!!! SOME!!!!! PAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNN!!!!!!" Leathersuit crowed behind Torch, flexing his green-scaled muscles.  
  
"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!" Kelly whimpered, sinking into his seat as the Dreadnoks surrounded him.  
  
"What're you bloody morons doing?" Virus wondered.  
  
"Help!" Kelly whimpered as Leathersuit pulled Kelly out of the car. "Oh please don't hurt me!"  
  
"I say we hurt him bad!" Monkeywrench grinned.  
  
"Yeah!" Torch agreed.  
  
"Cool!" Buzzer whooped.  
  
"Alright!" Ripper smirked, prepping his bayonet.  
  
"I want you to FEEL!!!! SOME!!!! PAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Leathersuit grinned at Kelly, making the Senator wet his pants. He screamed at the Dreadnoks.  
  
"You guys are fellow humans! Why are you taking orders from this freak?! Help me!!"  
  
"He ain't our boss, he's out teammate." Torch grinned.  
  
"Yes. Our team-mate may have a genetic difference, but he is no less a person." Donald replied. "Yeah, he's a mutant, but they're cool with us!" Road Pig added.  
  
"We'll go ahead, Leathersuit. You have fun." The Dreadnoks left a whimpering Kelly in the hands of the teen half-alligator.  
  
"I'm gonna get the snot beaten out of me, huh?" Kelly moaned.  
  
"Yup." Leathersuit grinned. "PAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
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(The X-Mansion)  
  
"WHAT?!" Scott roared. "The Misfits got another member?!"  
  
"Yeah. She's named Lila Cheney. I'm not sure what kind of powers she has." Jean replied.  
  
"I'm a teleporter." Lila smirked. "I've heard of you. Cyclops. Uncontrollable optic beams." She looked him over. "Bit scrawny, aren't you?"  
  
"Hey!" Scott said.  
  
"A teleporter?" Jean asked.  
  
"Yeah. But I'm a long-ranger. I can go across the galaxy if I want. But my powers don't work too well on short distances. I have to make a stop to do that." Lila shrugged. She noticed Jean had cleaned the slime off her. "You looked better with the slime on you."  
  
"Hey!" Jean snapped.  
  
"You can teleport long-range?" Kurt overheard. "Across a galaxy?"  
  
"Yep." Lila grinned. "I have a little place on a blue planet waaaaaaaaaaaaay far away from here." She looked Kurt over. "You know, you are kinda cute. Blue is your color." Kurt blushed.  
  
"I have a girlfriend." He said. Lila chuckled.  
  
"Well, she's one lucky gal, that's all I'll say." Lila walked away. She walked to the garage and noticed Sam working on his bike. {Well, he's got a nice butt. So far, so good.} Cannonball felt a hand on him, then he turned and saw Lila.  
  
"May I help you?"  
  
{He's polite. He also has nice hair. I'm liking him more and more every minute} Lila mentally noted. "Ever dated a rocker, cutie?"  
  
When Lila met Sam, madness will happen! It must be something in the Bayville air! What more madness will happen? Will Sam be able to escape Lila? Find out in the next chapter! 


	3. Insanity erupts!

Rockin' New Year!  
  
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Marvel and Sunbow except Althea, Xi, Trinity (Red Witch), Starchild, Darkstar, Bulldog, and Lionheart (mine).  
  
To Wizard1: Yup, those are the songs. Oh yeah, I can also imagine Scott singing "He Stole Their Love", a re-work of Kiss's "I Stole Your Love.", about Starchild's popularity with the X-Girls. Oh, I don't think Sammy-Boy will want to get away from Lila Cheney.  
  
To Red Witch: I think you may be surprised. BTW, What's gonna happen with Jesse? I WANNA KNOW!!! Don't tell me he's dating Althea's mom! Don't let that happen!  
  
To Aaron: Yeah, Lila does fit in well with the Misfits. I think we'll find out reactions here. Leathersuit didn't assault Kelly in the way the turkeys and reindeer did.  
  
To Sparky Genocide: Guido is an adult in the Misfit-verse. I have special plans for the big lug.  
  
To torque: Poor you! I'm done with my finals. Good luck!  
  
Chapter 3: Insanity erupts!  
  
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"Uhmmmm..." Sam blushed at the sight of Lila. "Hi." Lila smirked.  
  
"Are you gonna stand there and gawk at me all day, not that I mind, or are you going to tell me more about yourself?" The mutant rocker laughed. {He is kinda cute with that blush}  
  
"Well, um..." Sam gulped. "Why'd you grab my butt?"  
  
"Sorry." Lila shrugged. "Your butt's magnetic to my hand." Sam groaned.  
  
"Who are you, anyway?" He wondered. Lila put on a look of mock horror.  
  
"You mean, you've never heard of me? I'm Lila Cheney, Queen of Rock 'n' Roll!"  
  
"You're a rockstar?" Sam said.  
  
"Don't tell me that one of those guys that likes classical." Lila groaned. "I can't stand Mozart."  
  
"I prefer classic rock myself. 70s stuff." Sam replied.  
  
"You like Halen." She nodded.  
  
"How'd you know I like Van Halen?" Sam blinked.  
  
"You got that whole David Lee Roth vibe." Lila snickered. "You certainly got his looks."  
  
"He's a swaggering egomaniac." Sam told her.  
  
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"So, tell us some more about yourself, Mr. Carosella." Xavier insisted. He, Logan, Hank, and Ororo were sitting at the table. The huge bodyguard was sipping some tea Storm had made.  
  
"Good tea." Guido said. "Well, I used to be a scrawny kid, picked on a lot. But when my powers emerged, no one ever made fun of me anymore. I can absorb kinetic force and convert it into superhuman strength. However, I can only absorb so much, and hold it for so long. I held too much for too long, and it disfigured me." Guido explained his odd body. "My parents were very frugal, but I can't hold five bucks to save my life. To make ends meet, I took a job as Lila's bodyguard. She and I became inseparable. A real team. You won't believe the stuff I've seen in my time as her bodyguard."  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Sam streaked by, screaming. One could note lipstick was on his face, and his shirt was ripped up. "GET HER AWAY FROM ME!!!" An insanely-laughing Lila pursued him.  
  
"Lila's a bit forward when it comes to guys she likes." Guido sighed.  
  
"KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF ME, CHENEY!!! I AM SERIOUS HERE!!!!" Sam yelled. Tabby and Althea laughed at the whole thing.  
  
"Man, I like Lila Cheney already!" Tabby laughed.  
  
"Hey Sammy, you'd better pour on the speed, dude!" Althea laughed.  
  
"HELP ME!!!"  
  
"I'd better go help the kid before Lila goes after his pants." Guido chuckled as he got up and walked away. The elder X-Men then heard brawling. The X-Men and Misfits' resident egomaniacs, Foxfire and Quicksilver, were fighting. Again. The Superstars passed by.  
  
"I thought you kids were on tour." Logan shook his head.  
  
"We have a couple days." Lance grinned. "Lila joined the band and we wanted to show her and Guido around WHAT THE--?" The band and adults noticed Xi run by in a furry blue costume with big googly eyes on top of the head, happily carrying Chips Ahoy.  
  
"COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE!!!" Xi yelled happily. "ME COOKIE MONSTER!!!"  
  
"Xi, drop those cookies or I'll set you on fire! Bad snake man! Bad! Bad!" John scolded as he chased the half-snake.  
  
"I don't want to know." Logan swigged his beer. "I do not want to know."  
  
"WHO SMUGGLED BA'S COFFEE IN!!!" Scott roared from the kitchen. The adults noticed a fencing Kurt and Amara go by, dressed liked musketeers, and hyped up on BA's coffee.  
  
"Touché!" Kurt crowed.  
  
"Parry! Parry!" Amara shouted.  
  
"JOHN, DON'T DRINK THAT AW NO!!!!"  
  
"FFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" A hyper John started setting fire to everything in the kitchen, including Scott.  
  
"AAAHH!!!! YOU PSYCHO!!!"  
  
"ME PYRO!!! ME GOD OF FIRE!!!! WORSHIP ME!!!!"  
  
"LILA, GET OFF HIM!!!!" Guido snapped.  
  
"WHAT IS SHE DOING NOW?!?!?!" Sam screamed. A laughing Paul ran by, squealing X-Girls chasing him.  
  
"I HATE THAT STARCHILD!!!!" The X-Boys screamed.  
  
"I'm going to the arcade." Craig calmly walked away.  
  
"I'm coming, too." Lance followed him.  
  
"Mama's Boy!" Fox threw Pietro into a wall.  
  
"Wannabe!" Pietro punched Fox.  
  
"Dork!" Fox Irish-whipped Pietro into another room and ran in.  
  
"OH NO!!! SHE GONNA BLOW!!!" Forge ran in and leapt under the table. A huge explosion rocked the mansion.  
  
"New Misfit, same old insanity." Xavier groaned. "I'll get the whiskey."  
  
"Don't give him the Scottish whisky." Storm pointed at Beast with her thumb. "You know what happens when he gets sloshed on that stuff." Beast sunk into his seat.  
  
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(Bayville)  
  
Virus drove into town, intent on catching Cheney and getting back his property.  
  
"Soon, Althea...very soon, my love." Virus muttered to himself. "I know the Toad has you under some spell, preventing you from being with me. Soon, I'll get Cheney, get my chip, and I'll destroy Todd Tolensky. Once he's dead, you'll be freed from his control, and we can be happy." Virus looked at his picture of Althea and smiled. "Soon, we'll be together, like it should be."  
  
If anyone thinks Virus needs psychological help, raise your hand! What more madness will happen? Will Lila be able to keep her hands off Sam? Will Virus get Todd? (Toad: Ha!) Who'll get the higher score at the arcade, Craig or Lance? Will this fic start having anything to do with New Year's? Find out in the next exciting chapter! 


	4. More Insanity erupts!

Rockin' New Year!  
  
To Red Witch: I dunno, my warped mind came up with making Xi into Cookie Monster. Don't worry, Virus will get himself hurt badly. I guess the guy didn't learn his lesson on Christmas.  
  
To Metal Dragon1: Uh, Bishop? Bishop's not in this fic. Guido is Lila's bodyguard. Glad to let you use Tusk! I was inspired to create Tusk by Fleetwood Mac. I was listening to the song "Tusk" when the character popped into my head! Cool, huh? As for "Birth of a Juke Box Hero", I hope to update this weekend. I try to put up a new chapter once a month.  
  
To Wizard1: I didn't say Sam would go for Lila right away, heh heh. I do think Virus's obsession with Althea is getting a little out of control. I don't know. I'm glad you liked the Cookie Monster Xi bit. I burst out laughing as I wrote it.  
  
TO JCKIDSMART: Why are you going to China? Keep on reading!  
  
Chapter 4: More insanity erupts!  
  
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Sam Guthrie panted as he rounded a corner and flattened himself against a wall.  
  
"Aw man. That was one of my favorite shirts." Sam groaned.  
  
"Hey honey." A voice purred. Sam turned his head and it was Lila, leaning against the wall. "That ripped-up T-shirt look is so you." The mutant rocker purred.  
  
"Ei-yiiiii!" Sam tried to get away, but Lila grabbed the Kentucky mutant and teleported away, taking Cannonball with her!  
  
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(Bayville Café)  
  
"Oh Duncan, this place is so romantic." Duncan's latest fling, a redhead named Fern, smiled at the football player. Duncan grinned smugly.  
  
"Yeah." The bigoted jock laughed. "I'm good friends with the owner of this restaurant."  
  
"GET THE $#%& OUTTA MY WAY!!!" Leathersuit roared as he pushed and shoved his way through the screaming patrons. "PAAAAAIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNN!!!!!!!" Fern screamed.  
  
"A mutant! He'll kill us all!!" She screamed.  
  
"I'm not gonna let that happen!" Duncan growled. {I haven't banged her yet!} "HEY MUTANT!!! GET YOUR TROUBLEMAKING BUTT OUT OF HERE NOW!!!" Leathersuit grinned maliciously at Duncan.  
  
"I'm gonna make you FEEL!!!! SOME!!!! PAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNN!!!!!!!" Leathersuit flexed his green scaly muscles at Duncan.  
  
"All your kind do is fight and cause trouble!" Duncan snapped. Leathersuit nodded.  
  
"Yup. We Dreadnoks love causing trouble." Leathersuit grinned.  
  
"YEEEE-HAH!!!!" Torch, Buzzer, Ripper, Monkeywrench, and Road Pig started firing their weapons at the restaurant.  
  
"Take that, ya frogs!" Road Pig laughed. "Indeed, those unrefined persons deserve this."  
  
"BLOOOOW IT UP!!!!" Monkeywrench crowed.  
  
"Now, to blow you up!" Leathersuit grabbed Duncan, who peed his pants. "You stink!"  
  
"HELP ME MOMMY!!!!!" Duncan screamed girlishly.  
  
"Hey Buzzer!" Leathersuit called.  
  
"Alright!" Buzzer shoved some C-4 down Duncan's pants, making the football player scream louder. He hit the button on a detonator, and Duncan's rear exploded!  
  
"OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!" Duncan screamed, clutching his charred cheeks. "MY BUTT!!!! OH MY GOD THE PAIN!!!!! OWWWWIEEEE!!!!" Duncan ran away crying. "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!! YIPE!!!!" The blond football player leapt out of the way of a passing truck. He crashed into a store front, knocking fruits and vegetables all over the place. The same Italian storekeeper who whacked him on Halloween ran outside in horror. She started screaming and cursing Duncan in her native tongue, while smacking him. "OW!!!!! HEY!!!! OWWWW!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!! OWWWW!!! HEY LADY STOP OW!!!! HELP ME!!! OWWWW!!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!! OWWWWWWWW!!!!!! THAT HURTS LADY OW!!!!! HEY!!!! OW!!!!"  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
(A road in Bayville)  
  
"Where are those bloody morons?" Virus grumbled as he noticed the Dreadnoks were gone. "Ahh, I don't need 'em." Virus sighed as he glanced at his photo of Althea. "Oh, my beloved Althea, I know you're waiting for me to rescue you. Don't worry, I'll be there for you." Virus narrowed his eyes ahead at the road. "I'll get you, Toad. Once I get my machine working, I'll get you. And I'll KILLLLLLLLLL Lila Cheney. I'll teach that little witch. I'll show her, and the Toad. No one, but no one, ever messes with Virus!" Virus's eyes glowed electronic green with rage. He just stared at the road, as he went off it and crashed through a fence. And a barn. And through a chicken coop.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
(Bayville road)  
  
A bruised, beaten, bloodied, and battered Kelly struggled to get back into his car.  
  
"Owwwwwwwww..." He moaned. "What'd I do to deserve this?" He then noticed a truck drive down the road, beeping its horn. "OH NO!!!!"  
  
"Oh God!" The truck driver screamed. He stopped the truck, but he still slammed into Kelly's car, causing the senator to fly into the side of the road. The driver, alongside a large golden retriever, ran out in a panic. "Oh my god, man! Are you okay?" The dog started snarling at Kelly. "You need a doctor, man!"  
  
"Ohhhhhhh..." Kelly moaned. The snarling dog bit Kelly, making the bigot scream in a soprano.  
  
"LADYBIRD, GET OFF HIM!!!!" The driver snapped, pulling at the dog's collar.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
(The X-Mansion)  
  
"Are you sure Sam's not here?" Lance asked Kitty as the two looked through some bushes.  
  
"Lila's gone too!" Paul reported.  
  
"Like where could he have gone?"  
  
"Oh God I hope she didn't..." Guido groaned.  
  
"What, Mr. Carosella?" Kitty wondered.  
  
"Call me Guido. You see, Lila has this little planet across the galaxy from here. When she needs to go short distances on Earth, she teleports to her planet, then to the place she wants to go. She has to do this to teleport across town!" Guido explained. "She tends to stay on the planet for some periods of time."  
  
"So?" Lance shrugged.  
  
"She may have kidnapped Sam to her planet." Guido sighed. "Man, sometimes that girl drives me to drink."  
  
"The adults have a stash. I'll show it to you." Paul led Guido away. Lance and Kitty saw a flash of light around a corner.  
  
"What a woman..." Sam staggered by, big grin on his face. His hair was messed up, his clothes were tattered, and he had lipstick all over his face. He essentially looked like Kurt after a date with Amanda. Lance whistled.  
  
"What did she do to Cannonball?" Lance struggled not to laugh. "He looks like Kurt!" Kitty shrugged.  
  
The madness never ends! Will Guido get drunk? Will Sam ever recover from Hurricane Lila? What of Virus and the Dreadnoks? Will Kelly and Duncan ever get breaks? Find out in the next exciting chapter! 


	5. Torture Galore!

Rockin' New Year!  
  
To Fantasy raan: Glad to hear from you! I heard I was on your Favorite Authors list. Awesome! Anyway, I have heard of Ranma, but I never saw it, so I don't know who you are talking about. Sorry. But Virus is one big psycho.  
  
To Wizard1: After that, Sam would have to be nuts to turn Lila down now!  
  
To Sparky Genocide: Evil idea. I LIKE IT!!! Beast, a punker? Perhaps...  
  
To Metal Dragon1: I got Chapter 13 of "Birth of a Juke Box Hero" up! I want to use the character you submitted. Yeah, Fido bites. Hah! Get it?  
  
To Red Witch: Yep, I've seen "King of the Hill". My own little tribute.  
  
To Jckidsmart: I have family in Great Britain myself, so I don't get to see 'em much.  
  
Chapter 5: Torture Galore!  
  
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(A road leading to Bayville)  
  
"You will die Toad you will die Toad you will die Toad..." Virus chanted to himself like a mantra. He was so focused on killing Todd that he seemed to be completely oblivious he was driving wildly off the main road. He was still heading for Bayville, though.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
(X-Mansion)  
  
"HELP MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" Foxfire screamed as he ran for his life. Lila Cheney was chasing him, swinging a sledgehammer. "WHAT'D I DO? WHAT'D I DO?!?!?!"  
  
"HOW DARE YOU, YOU PERVERT!!!!!" Lila screamed, swinging the sledgehammer like a madwoman. The two ran by Jamie, who was watching TV.  
  
"And in local news, today Bayville is preparing to celebrate the coming of a brand new year with a big party, fair and the town's version of the 'Dropping the Ball' ceremony done in Times Square in New York. There will be contests, prizes, and performances." Jamie did a huge spit-take at the screen.  
  
"Say what?!" He said.  
  
"I said, the fair will have prizes, contests, and performances."  
  
"Holy Toledo!" Jamie grabbed his cell phone and made a call. "Yeah, hello? Yeah, I was wondering if you could use another act in the fair..." He noticed Sam stagger by.  
  
"I think I'm in love..." Sam grinned stupidly as he staggered by like a zombie. Jamie snickered.  
  
"Lila, what did you do to him?" Jamie shook his head, smiling.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
(Bayville)  
  
"Ugh..." Kelly moaned as he walked into a restroom café. He sat down on a table and convalesced. "I hate my life." He noticed Duncan pass by. "Aw great. The dope."  
  
"At least I never got busted for lewd conduct with dead people and animals." Duncan grumbled under his breath. Kelly managed to hear it.  
  
"I was set up!" Kelly snapped.  
  
"You're a freak!" Duncan accused.  
  
"You're a moron!" Kelly accused back.  
  
"Nerd!"  
  
"Retard!"  
  
"Dork!"  
  
"Muscle Head!"  
  
"THAT'S IT!!!" Duncan yelled. "Now you gonna die!" Kelly and Duncan started brawling. Meanwhile, J. Jonah Jameson, the editor of the Daily Bugle who was jealous of Spider-Man (A/N: He does admit this in the comics! JJ's reason for trying to make Spidey look like a criminal was because of envy), walked out of a restroom, clutching his stomach.  
  
"I can't believe the %&$#@) food critic got sick today." JJ grumbled. "Man, that's the last time I ever have what the?" He noticed Duncan and Kelly in a compromising position after falling through a table. "Now this is news!" JJ took a portable camera from his pocket and snapped a photo. "TAXI!!!" A taxi appeared in front of the café, and JJ leaped in. "New York, and don't spare the horsepower, hippie!" The taxi sped off.  
  
"What was THAT all about?" Kelly and Duncan wondered.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
(X-Mansion)  
  
"Jamie, what are you watching?" Xavier asked Jamie.  
  
"The news." Jamie grinned. "In this town, the news is even funnier than Comedy Central. Only difference is, the news has no South Park." Xavier shook his head.  
  
"Have you seen Beast and Mr. Carosella?" Xavier asked. Jamie shrugged.  
  
"Said something about Lila and drinking. I didn't pick it all up." Jamie replied. "I don't think they went to get her. I saw her pounding Fox's bones into paste with a sledgehammer a few minutes ago." A headline got his attention. "Huh?"  
  
"A brawl broke out at Bayville's new British-themed bar, the Lion's Head. According to eyewitness, two men started a huge bar brawl. Two men, a really big bald man and an apelike man clad in what appeared to be a blue fur coat got drunk, turned into punkers, and started beating up people." The reporter said.  
  
"Oh no." Xavier moaned. Jamie burst out laughing.  
  
"Oh now that's rich!" Jamie laughed. "Mr. McCoy and Guido, British punkers! I need a picture!" Xavier heard a crash.  
  
"What?" He saw a gaggle of bikers pass by. "WHAT THE--?" He noticed two of them were Guido and Hank, dressed up like English punk rockers. "Who are these people?!?!"  
  
"I think that's the Bayville chapter of the Hell's Angels." Jamie quipped. He took a picture of the passing bikers.  
  
"Professor, there's a whole bunch of bikers here!" Scott ran in. "They're camping in the backyard!"  
  
"Now how did bikers end up here?!" Jean screeched.  
  
"I think I can take a guess." Xavier moaned.  
  
"Hey Professor, I didn't know you knew Big Vance!" Paul pointed at the camping bikers.  
  
"You mean YOU know these clowns?! Why am I not surprised?!" Scott hollered at Paul. Jean smacked him. "OW!"  
  
"Be nice, Scott!" Jean scolded. "Paul, do you have any explanation?"  
  
"I know of Big Vance and his boys. Friend of Ace's." Paul explained. "They're really nice folks. Ace went to Sturgis with them. Friends of his father's."  
  
"I think the Starr Family was put on this Earth to drive every male on this planet nuts!" Scott grumbled.  
  
"Hey Paul, are those guys experienced with being security?" Jamie asked Starchild.  
  
Hoo boy! Looks like the madness keeps right on comin'! What'll happen next? What does JJ plan to do with that picture of Kelly and Duncan? Will Virus get Todd and Lila? Where are the Dreadnoks? What's with the bikers? Will Scott ever be able to go a day without getting injured? Find out in the next exciting chapter! Suggestions needed badly! 


	6. Biker Insanity!

Rockin' New Year!  
  
To Wizard1: Well, I thought it would be funny to have bikers as security. Kelly and Duncan landed in that position after throwing each other through a table. Well, Foxfire always tries something on the ladies. (Lila: *swinging sledgehammer* WHERE ARE YA, FOX?!) Virus needs help badly. Knowing the X-Girls, all of them will wanna be with Paul during the New Year.  
  
To Aaron: Yeah, the biker security is my tribute to that infamous Stones concert. I think Hank and the guys would have to get drunk on Cristal before they become hip-hoppers. I don't think I'm allowed to feature Dick Clark, but the Superstars will still play that rock 'n' roll music.  
  
To Sparky Genocide: Perhaps. Perhaps.  
  
To Jckidsmart: I can definitely see that happen.  
  
To Red Witch: Hey, now those are some interesting ideas.  
  
Chapter 6: Biker Insanity!  
  
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"Whoa." Sam looked out at the pool. "Real bikers."  
  
"Cool!" Lila grinned. "I know a few bikers myself. I also brawled with a bunch of 'em on a party planet."  
  
"Hey!" Sam said. Lila had grabbed the Kentucky native and pulled him into the yard. The other X-Men and Misfits watched as the bikers talked, joked, played music, drank, and some had even started sunbathing.  
  
"What is she doing?" Jean asked.  
  
"I think she wants to get Sam membership in the gang." Logan quipped with a chuckle.  
  
"Real funny, Logan." Storm said sarcastically. Lila noticed Jean and shot her a gesture.  
  
"Aw look Jean, Lila's giving you a one-finger salute." Althea laughed. Jean blanched at the gesture that Lila shot her.  
  
"Hey, I see Beast and Guido!" Paul pointed to them. They were both clad in leather, carrying bottles of English beer. One could note that Hank was wearing a green Mohawk wig. They were talking to a large biker clad in a Harley T-shirt, a blue jean jacket, and blue jeans with cowboy boots. He had a long brown beard with a touch of gray, long brown hair, and a Harley bandanna on his head. His look was completed by black fingerless gloves and studded wristbands. "And that's Big Vance! He's a friend of my cousin's!"  
  
"Only your family would end up causing something like this to happen!" Peter snapped. "OW!!" He got slapped by Kitty. Lockheed landed on Paul's shoulder and looked at the superstar curiously. "Oh Lockheed never does anything to Starchild! He never burns his socks, or leaves presents in his room!"  
  
"Because Paul isn't a dragon-abusing jerk!" Kitty snapped.  
  
"LANCE AND CRAIG SET ME UP!!!!" Peter screamed. The bikers noticed.  
  
"Hey dudes! Come on out here and join us, man!" Big Vance waved.  
  
"We're drunk!" Hank and Guido said triumphantly in English accents.  
  
"Aw c'mon, ya cowards!" Fred said with a laugh as he went outside. "Hey, a grill!" The other X-Men and Misfits followed, but Jake stayed behind, looking up at the sky with concern.  
  
"What's up, Jake?" Rogue asked.  
  
"Just worrying about my brother." Jake sighed. "Kyle never could keep his big mouth shut. Add on the fact he has electrical-based powers, I'm afraid his mouth will get him in big trouble." Rogue shrugged.  
  
"Your brother's not stupid, Jake. Ah'm sure he's fine." Rogue said. "He's got his team-mates with him." Lance overheard by accident.  
  
"Sorry for interrupting you Jake, but I think you underestimate him. He's got a lot of power. And he's no kid. You said it yourself, he's got fighting in the blood." Jake sighed.  
  
"I suppose." Jake admitted.  
  
"Besides, Summers is none too happy with the idea of a West Coast Misfit team." Lance smirked. Rogue laughed.  
  
"Because the X-Men and Misfits are more equal in number now?" Rogue laughed.  
  
"I suppose. I mean, First Paul and Craig, then John, then me, unofficially, and now a whole second group." Jake shrugged.  
  
"I wonder, where are the West Coast guys?" Lance wondered.  
  
"Don't you remember? Before you guys went out on tour, we said goodbye to them. They were moving to Malibu Base." Jake reminded. "Knowing them, they probably are out dealing with Cobra or something already."  
  
"Ah suppose." Rogue shrugged. "Man, when Scott found out that the new mutants were calling themselves the West Coast Misfits, he flipped!" Rogue snickered. "Not literally, but you could tell by how red his face had gotten."  
  
"Aw well, they should've kept Cerebro maintained properly." Lance said with mock contempt, making the southern X-Girl and the Boston Misfit laugh.  
  
"Now why can't the rest of us get along like this?" Jake said.  
  
"Too much bad blood. You're still relatively new, Jake." Lance said. "Some feuds are destined to never end. Like the Hatfields and the McCoys."  
  
"Only difference is, we all haven't killed each other off yet." Jake replied. He then heard a scream.  
  
"HEY!!! DON'T HIT ME WITH THAT BIKE OWWWWWWW!!!!!" Scott screamed. Jake shook his head.  
  
"Maybe if we were all as level-headed as you, man. Things might have been different." Lance shrugged. "Maybe we should join the party. Besides, there's a big metal butt just screaming for me to kick it." Lance grinned as he joined the party.  
  
"Maybe I'm asking too much." Jake said to Rogue.  
  
"Nah. You made a big enough statement when you decided to remain neutral in the whole feud." Rogue shook her head. "The only reason why you're still sane."  
  
"You do have a point." Jake snickered as he and Rogue joined the party.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
(A forest)  
  
"NOW HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!" Virus roared, kicking the side of the van angrily. Somehow, the mutant inventor got himself lost in the woods. "WHO MESSED WITH MY GPS?!" He slumped to the ground and whimpered. "I wish my water angel Althea would rescue me..." He then heard a rustling, and a growl. "Huh?" Virus got up and looked around as the rustling and the growls grew louder. "Hello?" Virus looked around, in a complete panic. "Althea?" A roar was heard, and a big bear leapt out of nowhere and slammed into Virus.  
  
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!" The bear roared.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!!" Virus screamed. "HELP ME!!"  
  
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(X-Mansion)  
  
"For the last time Lila, I don't wanna join!" Sam screamed as Lila dragged him around. "Hey somebody help me out here!"  
  
"I once booted a Scottish soccer player in the face!" Beast bragged in an English accent, making the bikers laugh.  
  
"We're so wasted!" A biker laughed, falling out of his seat. Big Vance was talking to Jamie.  
  
"So let me get this straight, kid." Big Vance said to Jamie. "You want me and my boys to be security for the Superstars. Kid, ever heard of Fremont?"  
  
"This isn't California, and you guys are not the Hell's Angels." Jamie replied. "And you guys ain't the Dreadnoks, either."  
  
"True." Big Vance nodded. He then realized something. "Is it true what I heard? You know, Lila Cheney joining the Superstars?"  
  
"Yup." Jamie grinned proudly.  
  
"Okay. You get me her autograph, and we'll do it." Big Vance smiled. Jamie nodded.  
  
"Hey Big V!" Lila ran up to the biker leader, clutching Sam.  
  
"Wow! Lila Cheney!" The big biker started bowing, alongside several others who noticed the rockstar. "We're not worthy! We're not worthy! We're not worthy!" They chanted.  
  
"You're worthy, you're worthy get up!" Lila laughed. "Oh, I love it when a man bows before me." The bikers got up. "Guys, this is my boyfriend Sam. Ain't he the cutest thing?" She hugged his arm and put her head on his shoulder.  
  
"Help me." Sam whimpered.  
  
Poor ol' Sam! Anyway, what'll happen next? Will Sam ever be able to save himself from Lila? (Lila: NEVER!!! HE'S MINE!!! WHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!) Will Virus escape the big scary bear? Will Kelly and Duncan be humiliated forever and ever? Find out in the next exciting chapter! 


	7. Dreadnok Planning!

Rockin' New Year!  
  
To Wizard1: Yeah, poor Sam just always ends up on the receiving end of it from Lila. I'll put in more Kelly and Duncan torture when I can think of any. I dunno, for some reason I wanted to compare the X-Men/East Coast Misfit feud to the Hatfield/McCoy feud. I mean, the former feud is becoming as infamous as the latter feud. Heh.  
  
To Sparky Genocide: I will address that issue down the line some time in the story.  
  
To Red Witch: Well, we'll see.  
  
Chapter 7: Dreadnok Planning!  
  
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(Mick's Bar, outside of Bayville)  
  
The Dreadnoks had gathered in the bar, and they had some drinks.  
  
"Had any of you seen Virus? He disappeared." Torch said to his team-mates.  
  
"Nope." Ripper said.  
  
"Uh-uh." Buzzer replied.  
  
"Haven't seen the nutter." Monkeywrench said.  
  
"He's probably lost or something." Leathersuit grumbled.  
  
"He may have had some business to take care of." Donald suggested. "Or he could've finally realized that that mermaid don't love him and killed himself." Road Pig quipped.  
  
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(A cave)  
  
The bear dragged a beaten, bruised, and moaning Virus to a cave. One could note that the cave had three cubs inside. One of the cubs wore a party hat.  
  
"What do you bloody want from me?" Virus snapped. The bear, a mama bear, looked at Virus, three juggling balls, then at the cub with the hat. It took a minute, but Virus finally figured it out. "Oh I get it, your kid's got a birthday, and I'm entertainment." The mama bear nodded. Virus smirked. "Forget it!" The little cubs started whimpering sadly and the mama bear got mad.  
  
"Grrrrrrrr..." She growled. Virus gave out a girly scream.  
  
"Okay! Okay!" Virus screamed. He grabbed the balls and started juggling. "Where are those morons and why aren't they helping me out?"  
  
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(X-Mansion)  
  
"Aw great, now the Joes are here!" Scott noticed as some of the Joes arrived and started partying with the bikers. A boombox played Billy Squier's "Don't Say You Love Me". Lila grabbed Sam and started dancing with him.  
  
"WHADDAYA MEAN JAKE DID THIS?!?!" Lance roared as he and Peter walked up to Foxfire, covered in some odd green goop.  
  
"I guess he pranked you to get you guys to stop arguing." Fox grinned.  
  
"It's in my hair! Get it out! Get it ou-hou-hou-houuuuuut!" Peter whined.  
  
"You big sissy." Fox sneered. "Ooh!" Fox noticed a hot biker chick. "Excuse me gentlemen, there's a hot lady who's thinking about me." A grinning Foxfire walked up to the biker chick and started speaking with her. She tried to choke him with a chain. "HELP ME!!!"  
  
"Eat this, you sicko!" She yelled as she choked the Detroit ex-Hellion.  
  
"HELP ME!! I'M TOO SEXY TO CHOKE TO DEATH!!!" Fox screamed. She let him go, only for her boyfriend, a muscular man, to show up. She said something to him, and the man started pounding Foxfire.  
  
"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Fox screamed.  
  
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(Mick's Bar)  
  
"Gentlemen, look at the television." Donald pointed at the TV screen. "Look at this, morons!" The Dreadnoks looked at the TV.  
  
"In other news, Bayville is doing its own version of the Ball Drop to celebrate the new year! It's the main event of the New Year's Fair. Attendance is expected to..." The newscaster said.  
  
"Hey guys, while Virus is trying to get his weather machine fixed, how about we have some fun at the fair?" Buzzer smirked evilly. The Dreadnoks smiled.  
  
"Alright!" They grinned, raising glasses and clinking them together.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
(The X-Mansion)  
  
"I wonder how my cousin Ace is doing?" Paul asked Hawk. The two of them were on lounge chairs, soaking up some rays. One could note that Tabby and Dani were both standing over Starchild, fanning him with giant leaves.  
  
"If I know your cousin, I'm sure he's fine." Hawk yawned. The party continued, with the usual yelling of explosions:  
  
"OWWWWWWWWWCH!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"WHERE IS FOXFIRE?!?! HE'S GOING TO DIE!!!!!!!!"  
  
"JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAN!!!!!!"  
  
"JAMIE, PUT THAT BASEBALL BAT DOWN!!!!!"  
  
"PYRO, STAY AWAY FROM THE TOPIARY!! OH NO!!!!"  
  
"WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!"  
  
"SPIRIT!!! BLIND MASTER!!! NO KNIFE THROWING!!!!"  
  
"FOXFIRE, KEEP YOUR SLIMY HANDS AWAY FROM ME!!!!"  
  
"HEY!!!"  
  
"LOCKHEED JUST SET FIRE TO MY BUTT!!!!!!"  
  
"LILA, QUIT THAT!!!"  
  
"DID GUIDO JUST MOON ME?!?!"  
  
"HEY, WHO SMUGGLED IN BA'S COFFEE?!?!"  
  
"NO CRAIG, DON'T GIVE IT TO THE BIKERS!!! AW NO!!!" A whole group of bikers formed a can-can line and started kicking up their legs.  
  
"Laaaaaa la la la la la la, la la la la la..." They sang.  
  
"AAGH!!! HELP ME!!!"  
  
"COME BACK HERE AND LET ME SHISH KABOB YA!!! I'LL TEACH YOU TO MAKE FUN OF CANADIANS, BOY!!!"  
  
"TWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Another day, another dose of madness." Paul laughed, making the X-Girls giggle.  
  
"No kidding." Hawk sighed. He then noticed something. "COVER GIRL, PUT THAT SLEDGEHAMMER DOWN!!!! THAT'S AN ORDER!!!! FOXFIRE'S ONLY A KID!!!"  
  
"HELP MEEE!!!!"  
  
Uh oh! What are the Dreadnoks up to? Will Virus ever get a break? Will Foxfire ever go a day with getting nearly killed? Will the heroes be able to celebrate New Year's? Find out in the next exciting chapter! 


	8. Dreadnok Arrival and Heroes' Insanity!

Rockin' New Year  
  
To Wizard1: Yeah, poor Foxfire can't get a break, unless it involves bones. Here's some more madness for you! I hope you enjoy it!  
  
To Sparky Genocide: The Xavier Institute was always a madhouse. And it will get more and more mad with every new character that hits the scene! Nice suggestions! I'll give 'em some consideration!  
  
To Aaron: Jake is pretty much over Owen Hart's death, he just was too afraid to pull pranks again, but Fox convinced him to keep on prankin'. I thought it'd be funny for the bikers to be Lila fans.  
  
To Red Witch: Well, let us find out!  
  
Chapter 8: Dreadnok Arrival and Heroes' Insanity!  
  
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(Bayville)  
  
The Dreadnoks rode into town on their motorcycles, in the mood for causing some trouble.  
  
"Alright guys, where's the Ball Drop?" Ripper asked.  
  
"In the bloody town square!" Buzzer snapped.  
  
"I'm gonna break BONES!!!" Leathersuit laughed. "I'm gonna break NECKS!!! I'm gonna make this town FEEL!!!! SOME!!!!! PAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNN!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Is it just me, or have any of you noticed Leathersuit likes to say 'pain' a lot?" Torch noticed.  
  
"PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!"  
  
"Yeah, I have noticed." Ripper realized.  
  
"I concur. That behavior has not escaped my sight." Donald said. "What he said."  
  
"Hey yeah, what's up with that, Leathersuit?" Monkeywrench asked the crocodile-like teenager.  
  
"Because I like to make people FEEL!!!! SOME!!!!! PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Leathersuit grinned. Monkeywrench shrugged.  
  
"Fine with me." He shrugged. The other Dreadnoks nodded and murmured in agreement.  
  
"Hey, Dunkin' Donuts!" Torch pointed at the donut shop.  
  
"SWEET!!!" The Dreadnoks cheered. They raced into the shop. "GIVE US CHOCOLATE JELLY DONUTS, YOU HIPPIE!! LOTS OF 'EM!!!"  
  
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(The X-Mansion)  
  
"Will you two grow up?!" Jean snapped as she used her TK to separate a brawling pair of bikers, Guido and Beast. Their brawling had started with an argument over which paint job was best for a Harley.  
  
"Blue with silver lightning bolts!" The bikers yelled.  
  
"Red with yellow flames!" Beast and Guido yelled back.  
  
"WHO CARES?!" Jean screamed. "JUST STOP IT!!" Meanwhile, Forge and some of the bikers were looking at their motorcycles.  
  
"Y'know, I can modify the bikes." Forge nodded as he examined. "I can improve the gas mileage, and I can also put in soda dispensers."  
  
"Ooooooohhhhhhh..." The bikers responded.  
  
"Nice." One biker said. "Can you add internet access?"  
  
"I'll see what I can do." Forge said. The bikers started doing requests.  
  
"I want a phone!"  
  
"I want jet engines and foldable wings!"  
  
"I want laser cannons!"  
  
"I want mine to turn into a robot!"  
  
"I want cool armor on mine!" An idea formed in Forge's head.  
  
{Maybe I should start a bike modifying shop as a hobby} Forge thought. Meanwhile, Paul and Hawk were still conversing.  
  
"So Starchild, how's your cousin?" Hawk wondered.  
  
"Ace and the guys are settling in nicely from what I heard. I heard one of the Malibu Joes worked for the Japanese government. Sunfire won't be so alone there." Paul grinned.  
  
"I suppose." Hawk shrugged. "I know Rock 'n' Roll and Footloose were thrilled to go to Malibu Base. Anyway, what about Lila?"  
  
"Oh, she's staying with me and Craig at Recondo's." Paul explained.  
  
"Lila, keep your hands to yourself!" Sam screamed. "I mean it!"  
  
"She's a real 'handy' person." Paul snickered.  
  
"Yeah, she's very 'hands-on' when it comes to some things." Hawk snickered back. The two clinked their drink glasses.  
  
Well, there's a little more madness for you! What'll happen next? What do the Dreadnoks plan to do at the fair? What more insanity will visit our heroes? Will Sam ever be able to get Lila to keep her hands off him? Find out in the next exciting chapter! 


	9. Dreadnoks, Madness, and Apparances, oh m...

Rockin' New Year!  
  
To Sparky Genocide: Hey, I love your ideas, man! I love your ideas. As for Lila, she's a multi-instrumentalist. She's a guitarist, keyboardist (She learned keyboard from an old friend), and a singer.  
  
To Wizard1: I hope you figured out which of the Malibu Joes once worked for the Japanese government. Well, if Forge is doing the job, you had better hope that nothing goes wrong and the bikers don't hold grudges!  
  
Correction: In one chapter, Big Vance asks Jamie if he's ever heard of Fremont. I goofed up. The infamous Stones concert that many said had ended the flower generation happened at Altamont, not Fremont. I got them mixed up. Sorry.  
  
Chapter 9: Dreadnoks and Madness and Appearances, oh my!  
  
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(X-Mansion)  
  
"Come to mama, baby!" Lila laughed as she chased Sam around the pool.  
  
"You're not supposed to run around the pool, Lila!" Sam yelled. "Help!"  
  
"Oh you know you want me!" Lila laughed as she continued chasing Sam. "Quit denying it!" Blob and Craig watched.  
  
"Wow. Sam's a ladykiller." Fred chuckled. Craig grumbled.  
  
"I think it's something in the air in this town. Affects anyone with two X chromosomes." Craig groaned.  
  
"Hey!" Jean screamed as Lila shoved her into the pool.  
  
"Outta my way, red!" Lila snapped. As she ran, she gave Jean another one- finger salute. The red-haired telepath glared.  
  
"I hate that Cheney." Jean grumbled. Althea snickered.  
  
"Oh, she makes a great Misfit." The hydrokinetic laughed. "If you weren't so snooty, maybe Lila wouldn't be so mean to you." Jean groaned.  
  
"Oh shut up."  
  
"Hey!" Scott got shoved into the pool by Lila. "What'd I do?!" The bikers laughed.  
  
"Hey, let's stomp the nerd!" One suggested, pointing at Scott.  
  
"Alright!" The other bikers whooped. They pulled Scott out, and started stomping him.  
  
"Man, Scott must've done something real bad in a past life!" Craig laughed.  
  
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(Bear Cave)  
  
"Oh God help me..." Virus moaned. The bears had fallen asleep. However, the mama bear had Virus trapped in her paws. He tried to move, but the mama bear kept him tightly bound, and she had a big bear version of a smile on her face. His eyes glowed electronic green as his frustration and rage built up. "Oh I know Toad's behind this! Somehow, he's behind this! He's called on these bloody furbags to help him keep me away from Althea! I'll show him! He can't keep Virus down for long! I'll kill him and free my love from his spell!"  
  
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(Bayville New Year's Fair)  
  
"Alright! Let's go on some rides!" Torch whooped.  
  
"What about Virus?" Buzzer snapped.  
  
"Forget him! That nut can do whatever he wants! It's party time!" Ripper grinned.  
  
"WAHOO!!!" The Dreadnoks ran in and started muscling their way onto rides and games.  
  
"Outta my way, kid!" Torch shoved a kid off a squirt gun and took it. "Yeah!" He managed to make the balloon on the clown's head pop and he got a stuffed tiger. "I'll name him Hobbes!"  
  
"That's mine, butthead!" The kid kicked Torch in the leg. While the Dreadnok screamed and leapt on one foot, the kid took the tiger and ran off. "Hobbes is mine, all mine!" Meanwhile, Ripper was getting some cotton candy.  
  
"Gimme that!" He took the cotton candy from a certain trio of dark-haired girls.  
  
"Hey!" Trinity snapped. Their eyes glowed, and Ripper realized who they were.  
  
"Uh, heh heh, hi Trinity." Ripper cowered. "Here, you can have it back."  
  
"BAD DREADNOK!!!!" They hollered, shocking Ripper with psychic lightning. Ripper ran away screaming.  
  
"Whoa, little dudettes, that was totally awesome!" Two teens walked up to Trinity. One was lanky and had black hair, clad in a white t-shirt with a black cowboy jacket over it and blue jeans that were ripped at the knees. He resembled Keanu Reeves a little bit. The other was blond, had a backwards red baseball cap, and was clad in a gray t-shirt and blue jeans.  
  
"Who are you?" Quinn asked. The blond pointed at himself.  
  
"I'm William Preston, Esquire." He pointed at the Keanu look-alike. "And this is my friend, Theodore "Ted" Logan."  
  
"Haven't we seen you guys on TV?" Brittany scratched her head.  
  
"I'm Quinn Delgato, and these are my sisters Brittany and Daria." Quinn introduced.  
  
"How'd you do that totally awesome lightning thing?" Ted asked in wonderment.  
  
"We're mutants." Trinity replied cheerfully. Bill and Ted looked totally blank.  
  
"Uh, what's a mutant?" Bill asked. Trinity facefaulted anime-style.  
  
"Hoo boy." Trinity groaned in unison.  
  
"We're a band." Ted grinned. "The Wyld Stallyons."  
  
"WYLD STALLYONS RULE!!!" Bill and Ted crowed together, playing some air guitar.  
  
"Y'know, our boyfriend manages rock bands. Maybe you should do a demo for him." Trinity grinned.  
  
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(X-Mansion)  
  
"What the--" Jamie saw footage of the fair on the news, and he noticed a very familiar group of bikers. "The Dreadnoks! You guys, the Dreadnoks are at the fair!" The X-Men and the Misfits gathered around the TV.  
  
"Man, they must really want a beating." Pietro glared at the TV.  
  
"Well, let's show 'em not to mess with the New Year!" Lance said.  
  
"Your first mission as a Misfit, Lila." Paul said. "Think you can handle it?" Lila smirked at Starchild.  
  
"Oh, I'm pretty tough myself." Lila grinned. She punched Jean. "See?"  
  
"OW!" Jean screamed.  
  
"Hey!" Big Vance pointed at the Dreadnoks. "Those guys owe me money!" He whistled to his boys. "Boys! The Dreadnoks! We found 'em!"  
  
"Let's get 'em!" Guido called.  
  
"YEAH!!!" The bikers jumped on their bikes and sped off.  
  
"Hey, I wasn't done improving!" Forge yelled.  
  
I'd bet the Dreadnoks wished the mutants picked a fight with them! What'll happen next? Will Big Vance's boys fight the Dreadnoks? What of Trinity and Bill and Ted? Do Bill and Ted really have no idea what mutants are? Find out in the next exciting chapter. 


	10. Year's Last Insanity!

Rockin' New Year!  
  
To Red Witch: Here's some more insanity for ya! I hope you enjoy it!  
  
To Wizard1: Well, I'll try to explain why the Wyld Stallyons are still teenagers sometime. As for they not knowing what mutants are, well, Bill and Ted were never the sharpest tools in the shed, let's just say. As for the sequel, I forgive you. PLEASE PUT UP THE SEQUEL SOON!!!!  
  
To Dylan Wiles: I'm glad you liked the Bill and Ted cameos. They made their first appearance during my story "Halloween Hijinks!" Check it out! It's a good funny read! You'll love it! I'm working as fast as I can, but I'm struggling through writers' block.  
  
To Sparky Genocide: Wow. Those are some ideas! I' will definitely see what I can do.  
  
Chapter 10: Year's last insanity!  
  
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(Bayville Fair)  
  
Big Vance and his boys rode into town, only to notice something odd: Most of the Dreadnoks were tied up, and dressed in pink bunny suits.  
  
"What the--?" Big Vance scratched his head. The X-Van drove up and the Misfits appeared. "Who did this?"  
  
"We did." Trinity grinned. Bill and Ted followed them.  
  
"Are they mutants too?" Bill wondered.  
  
"The guys in the colorful costumes are." Quinn replied.  
  
"Who are you guys?" Scott pointed at Bill and Ted.  
  
"Uh, I'm Theodore Logan, and this is William Preston, Esquire." Ted grinned.  
  
"Bill and Ted. They're a band." Trinity grinned.  
  
"WYLD STALLYONS RULE!!!" The two teens crowed, then played some air guitar. Leathersuit busted his way out of some boxes and started punching out people left and right.  
  
"PAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIINNNN!!!!" Leathersuit laughed as he slammed Duncan Matthews face-first into a stand. He noticed Jake. "Hey boy!! Time to give you some PAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIINNNNN!!!!!" Jake glared.  
  
"You are all talk!" Jake blasted the crocodile-like mutant with his flame breath.  
  
"YEEEEOWWWW!!!!!!" Leathersuit screamed, trying to put himself out.  
  
"TOOOOOOOOOOAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Virus roared, riding in on his van. "THOSE BEARS YOU SENT AFTER ME DIDN'T STOP ME FOR LONG!!!! HANG ON AL, BABY!!! VIRUS IS HERE TO SAVE YOU FROM THAT WOMAN-STEALER!!!!!" Al and Todd glared.  
  
"You wanna impale him first, babe?" Todd asked Al.  
  
"You can pour hot coals down his pants first, hon." Al offered.  
  
"What bears, you doofus?!" Todd yelled.  
  
"Those bloody filthy bears you sent to keep me away from my beloved AUGH!!!!" Virus leapt out of the van and ran away. The angry mother bear was chasing him. "I HATE BEARS!!!!"  
  
"Well, that was easy." Scott scratched his head.  
  
"Man, I wanted to fight somebody!" One of the bikers whined.  
  
"Then beat up the nerd over here!" Big Vance snapped at the biker, pointing at Scott. The bikers started beating up the optic blaster.  
  
"AAAAAAGH!!!! HELP!!!! OWWWW!!!!!" Scott screamed.  
  
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(Bayville Fair, a couple hours later)  
  
The party was at full swing. The Joes, Misfits, X-Men, and people of Bayville were celebrating at the fair. The Superstars were in their costumes and makeup performing on stage. Lila's Superstar costume was a black tanktop with a pair of gold sashes across her chest, a pair of gold forearm bands with small silver spikes on them, gold leather pants with a black studded belt, black biker gloves, and silver Kiss-esque platform high- heel boots. She had painted what looked like a pair of golden axe blades over her eyes, painted her fingernails gold, and had black lipstick. She was standing behind a pair of golden keyboards next to John, and her golden Gibson guitar was standing next to the keyboards. The band was covering some rock classics for the fans, as well as doing a few originals. During an intermission, Paul got a phone call.  
  
"Hello?" Paul asked.  
  
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(West Coast Misfit HQ, Malibu Base, shortly after the events of "Welcome to Malibu Base!")  
  
"Hey, cuz!" Ace laughed into the cell phone. The sounds of the West Coast Misfits and the Malibu Joes laughing their heads off were heard in the background. "Listen, you are not going to believe this! This place gets newspapers from all over the country. New York's Daily Bugle has got this hilarious article! Front page, baby! The Bugle claims that Senator Kelly was caught in a lewd position with Bayville High's star football player. Man that was great! Man, that Kelly's such a jerk! And a perv!"  
  
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(Bayville)  
  
"Yeah." Paul laughed as he watched Lila beat Duncan senseless in front of a cheering crowd. "Cool. Hope you have fun at Malibu Base. Okay. Bye." Paul closed his phone. "Hey guys!" Paul ran to the other Misfits. He told them, and the X-Men, of what Ace told him. The mutants all burst out laughing.  
  
"You know, I always thought they looked at each other funny." Pietro quipped.  
  
"Lila, why were you beating up Duncan back there?" Jean asked. Lila gave her a look.  
  
"For an A student, you sure are dopey." Lila laughed. "He made some ungentlemanly comments about me, and then he called my boyfriend an inbred redneck hick." Sam's groan could be heard in the background.  
  
"Can someone please tell her I'm not her boyfriend?" Sam groaned.  
  
"THIS SCANDAL IS A FILTHY LIE AND A SET-UP CREATED BY MUTANTS!!!!!" The mutants heard Kelly roar from a bike-mounted TV. The senator had called a press conference, and he barely contained his rage. Not to mention the fact he appeared to have had a few shots of Scotch beforehand. "THE MUTANTS DID THIS BECAUSE THOSE @#$%&@# KNOW THAT I AM NOT AFRAID OF THEM!!! I KNOW THEIR PLAN!!!! I KNOW THEY ALL ARE WORKING TOGETHER!!!! THEY PLAN TO ENSLAVE US!!!! THEY PLAN TO HEY!!!!" The screen showed a couple men in white grab the screaming Senator and take him away.  
  
"It was only a matter of time." Wanda laughed.  
  
"Oh yeah. I can imagine Cobra and the Acolytes enjoying this." Lance snickered.  
  
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(Acolyte HQ)  
  
"WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!" The Acolytes burst out laughing. Magneto walked in.  
  
"What're you laughing at?" The Master of Magnetism wondered. The Acolytes handed him the copy of the Daily Bugle. Magneto burst out laughing. "Oh ho now that IS rich! That is SO RICH!!! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AWWWWW!!!!" Magneto dropped the paper and clutched himself. "Aw man, I need to change my pants. Man, that was too funny." He walked away, hunched over.  
  
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(Cobra HQ)  
  
"WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Zanya, Zartan, Zarana, Zandar, Destro and the Baroness laughed out loud when they saw the paper.  
  
"Oh man, that was so great! That jerk Kelly gets what he deserves." Zanya laughed.  
  
"Yeah, he sure got it this time." Zandar grinned.  
  
"What'd he say?" Destro asked, pointing at Zandar.  
  
"WAHHH!!!! NO ONE LISTENS TO ME!!!!" A crying Zandar ran away.  
  
"What a moron. Can't take a joke." Baroness grumbled.  
  
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(Bayville)  
  
"Holy Cow!" Paul looked at his watch. "Guys! We gotta hit the stage! Now!" Paul, Craig, Lila, John, and Lance jumped on the stage. "HEY EVERYONE!!!" Paul yelled into the mike. "20 seconds and counting until the New Year!" Everyone started cheering as the seconds kicked down. Paul and the others quickly grabbed their instruments and counted down with the people. "10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!" Confetti, beach balls, Duncan's battered body, hats, clothes, gunshots, and other objects flew into the air as well as fireworks exploding and other fanfare. The Superstars broke into a heavy metal version of "Auld Lang Syne", the people singing along. Meanwhile, Pietro gathered the remaining Misfits.  
  
"I heard J. Jonah Jameson is pro-mutant." Pietro grinned evilly.  
  
"Pietro, that's a good thing." Wanda said.  
  
"I got a plan to make him hate the X-Men." Pietro responded.  
  
"Ooh, count us in." Althea and Trinity laughed. The remaining Misfits teleported away. Meanwhile, the party continued into the night.  
  
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(New Year's Day, Recondo's house, 5 AM.)  
  
The videophone rang in Recondo's home. A very sleepy Paul staggered down the stairs. His long black hair was even messier than normal and his eyes were nearly kept shut by sleepy dust. He pressed a button.  
  
"Hello?" He mumbled sleepily.  
  
"STARCHILD!!!!!" The angry voice and red face of Scott Summers appeared. He was angrier than the Incredible Hulk at a boy band concert. The loudness of Scott's voice shocked Paul and made him fall over.  
  
"Whoa. What a wake up call." Paul rubbed his aching head. "Ow!"  
  
"We saw an editorial in the Early Morning Edition of the Daily Bugle! It condemned the X-Men! Said we were a bunch of pests like Spider-Man! He said we should be like you Misfits! He calls you heroes!" Scott snapped. Paul mumbled incoherently. He hadn't got all his bearings back, and Scott's yelling had knocking what little bearings he had out of kilter.  
  
"I was performing all night." Paul shook his head.  
  
"Oh yeah." Scott realized. "Well get the other clowns!"  
  
"Scott, if Pietro doesn't get his beauty sleep, he gets very cranky." Paul warned.  
  
"I don't care if he turns into the Hulk! Just get him!" Scott snapped.  
  
"Fine. I warned you." Paul shrugged. He pressed another button, and the videophone clicked off. Starchild walked into the kitchen, and drank a glass of chocolate milk. "Another year, more insanity." Paul snickered, then walked up the stairs and back to his bed.  
  
Well, the new year rings in more insanity! What'll happen in the future? Who will the heroes meet? What new villains will be in the future! Find out next time, and Happy New Year! Suggestions needed badly! 


End file.
